No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
