You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
