it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
