I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
