you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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