the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
