Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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