just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
