I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
