i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
