why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
