what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
now i know why i became what i already was.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
