went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
