He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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