I met the friendliest cop last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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