i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
