Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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