note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
