You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
