His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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