im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
