Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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