are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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