I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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