i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
