there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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