Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mom said you looked used
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need to calm my uterus...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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