Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
