Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
