Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
