Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think my moral compass just broke
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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