it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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