I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
two words: eviction party
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
