every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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