Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
