He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
