so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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