In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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