It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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