I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
