I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
