Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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