When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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