I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
