I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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