So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
