I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
