Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
