I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
