No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
