dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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