I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
