I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
