he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
