she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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