I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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