I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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