He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
