I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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