he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
