Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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