Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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