These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Houston, we have a squirter
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
