I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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