Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
