I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
