I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
