i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
