I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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