I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
